I have a new livejournal, I feel like I've outgrown this one.

kitschkitsch is the username.

New Years Eve was beautiful.

( Screaming Asian Assfuck )

I'm having a hard time breathing,

Edit: I wrote a bunch of stuff here while crying in hormonal angst.

And now I'm going to go vomit.

I haven't slept for 25 hours.

I'm so tired it hurts.

Yesterday Hannah and I decided to make cookies. So we got our lazy asses to walk to the grocery store and got cookie dough, and milk. On the way home I got a phone call from Cory. I really like when he calls me.

We went home and sat around and just hung out. We made cookies, and watched sex and the city. I had a hard time sleeping but I didn't really mind. I thought a lot about stuff. Not the thinking you do that makes you freak out about everything kind of thinking, but thinking about how well things have been going. At least in the past couple of weeks. I happy with everything right now.

There are a couple of people I really miss spending time with. I don't really know/care right now how to approach it or make it better or even if I should approach it or make it better.

Today Hannah and I went to her mom's office to swim. The pool was closed down but there was a little room with a hot tub in it. The room was so damn symetrical. It just made me want to make a movie. I love making movies that have this sense of symetry in the vidual aspect.

I wish I could come up with some idea to make a film, that's simple and not expensive but good, and worth the time and effort of everyone who is a part of it. I'm going to try to write a short movie and complete it by the end of the summer.

My computer is destroyed, it just stopped working. My hard drive failed they say because of music downloading, but I might have lost all the music I had in the computer which would be horrible. Along with my music I will most likely lose a lot of writing, Pictures, things I never expected to lose. I realize how much I relied on the computer to save memories and such, which I regret.

On another note, for years and years and years I've been trying to figure out what I want to do after high school, it's not that far in the future. Well after many long discussions with Hannah about what we want to do I have made a vague plan. One thing in the chaotic mess of my mind that comforts me, is budgeting. For my own sake of remembering:

I owe my dad $500 dollars for an accidental outrageous phone bill. I'm not allowed to drive until I pay the money back which to an etent is understandable. My dad realizes how difficult it has been for me to get a job, so he is accepting volunteer work as paying him back. I should be volunteering at a Hospital in a matter of weeks which is something I wanted to do anyways. It should take me about 3 months to work off the money. After I work it off, I can get my permit.

My dad and I were talking a couple of weeks ago, He considers having a job a right of pasage once I manage to get one he told me that he will treat me like an adult. Once I have a job, I will be free to do most anything I want to do as long as I always show up for work and keep my grades in school decent. As soon as I get a job, I plan on saving up for a car, Then having to sit around at the 16th street mall which has gotten quite old won't be the only option for me to see friends that don't live very close. I'm sick of never being able to see certain people besides at shows because they're to stubborn to ride the bus downtown and I am never able to get a ride back from anywhere they live without getting in a shitload of trouble. No more having to leave early in order to get a ride, no more breaking plans because no one wants to go downtown, no more sitting around the house because I can't get anywhere.

I'm over it.

This has been pointless rambling for my own sake.

Love, Katie

I like how I'm so easy to take advantage of. Then it hits me right after it happens and I'm like damn I'm a fucking dumbass.

Well fuck you.

On another note, my good mood has been killed but some disapointing news.

Tomorrow is John's birthday, I feel obligated to hang out with him and I don't know how much I want to or not. Ugh.

I want to disconnect, any tips?

Post Script:

666 is over in ten minutes and I haven't seen any signs of the apocalypse.

Damn you Satan.

Last night, Hannah and I made it to Grip Thumb luckily. I had promised Zach that I would be there, and unfortunately I was really late but I was there none the less. After, I talked to AJ for a while, then went back to Hannah's. We started watching Brokeback Mountain, I was thoroughly dissapointed. It was one of the dullest movies I have ever watched. I talked to John for a little bit, the past couple of days I basically have just wanted to kick his ass he's so fucking obnoxious. We watched the Wedding Singer, Hannah fell asleep like 15 minutes into it, I watched most of it and then attempted to sleep. I haven't slept much at all in the past 4 days, It's miserable to me I find myself laying awake thinking about things I'm trying to get over it's totally not helping. I didn't really sleep at all last night and in the morning I felt lik shit. Hannah's mom took me home, I vomited and then watched the twilight zone. I feel fine now but I'm not doing anything so I'm horribly bored. I didn't tell either of my parent's why I came home so early because there is no way I'm missing Insect Warfare tomorrow. So now they both think I'm having some kind of fight with Hannah because I willingly left her house.

On tuesday, (666, duh) I'm having some kids over. We're having a barbeque and then going to Deicide if I can come up with $25. Before people come over I'm riding the bus with Mike (Hermy) to get Shelly.

Two of my fingernails from prom have fallen off.

It feels awful and I can't stand it.

I talk to Zach a lot, all the time, I really like talking to him. He's a good kid and I look forward to seeing him at his show on friday.

It's become a habit for me to say, that I don't feel good. I've gotten so used to not feeling very good, and nowadays I haven't always been feeling so shitty. Or I didn't for a while but it's starting to come back.

This has been a thoroughly horrid week.

I feel bad, and little dumb things keep happening that makes me feel worse.

I don't like it. I don't like the way things are going.

I get to see Gabby tomorrow. I'm so very excited.

Today was awful.

That's all there is to it.

I want Erin.

I have a new found love of the Ramones and the new AFo single.

WOW.

Love, Katie

blah blah blah.

School's over. It's about fuckin time.

I need a job reaaaaaal bad kids.

Erin's mom was at the hospital yesterday (nothing life threatening) she took the car and came and picked me up. I have to admit it was one of the most enjoyable things I have ever had the pleasure to do. Driving no where in particular, blasting music, sticking my feet out the window and of course doing it all with Erin. I wouldn't have it any other way. The rest of the day had its ups and downs. I really had fun with Katie, Gabby, Victoria, Taryn, Christina and Shayna. It was pretty much the definition of a girls night out hahaha. I also really enjoyed my time at the skatepark with Dylan until it got super uncomfortable when some other kids came. But the 30 or so minutes we spent making fun of each other was nice.

I figured out that to be honest I am actually kind of afraid of men, older the me who I don't know. Being hit on, cat called, and honked at has gotten reaaaaaally old and turned into me actually being scared. I've been extra jumpy lately to and really aware of everything around me. I saw this guy in 7/11 yesterday shoplifting and he kept looking at me, probably because I was watching him steal shit but it made me uncomfortable.

I got my haircut to. It fucking sucks. I asked John to shave my head for me and he said I'd be ugly. Which was a good point. While some people can do virtually anything with their hair including shaving there heads and still be beautiful *cough*NataliePortman*cough* I on the other hand, would look like a cancer patient.

But being the person that I am, when things upset me or change I change something physically and the easiest thing to change happens to be my hair. So tomorrow, Hanny will be dyeing my hair. If I see you on a regular basis you'll probably see it soon.

Today has been weird, I'm usually attached at the hip with Hannah one way or an other. She's only been in the sand dunes for what not even a day, and I already feel an absence of my best friend.

sad?

yeah kinda.

I miss you Hannah.

Love, Katie

I have shut down.

I care to much about everyone and everything. And I've cared so much that basically now I have ceased to really care at all.

I've come full circle in my confusions of emotions. I don't get it I don't know if I care either. So I just won't deal with them.

School is technically over for me tomorrow.

Big sigh of relief.

I'm planning on spending my first week out of school, when most of my friends are still in school visiting them and trying to make the rest of they're school year go by faster. I'm going to go to John's school. I'm looking forward to that the most. I love John I think it'll be fun.

On friday I'm riding the bus up to Cenntenial to hang out with Hermy, Nick, and John. They always go out of their way to come hang out with me closer to where I live so for once I'm going to do it for them. I need a change of scenery so to speak.

The people keeping me going:















Cheers.

This weekend has been filled with fun and tears and sleep and laughter and pretty much every other emotion you could possibly experience in one weekend.

Shakespeare festival was overall not much fun and included an awful sunburn. I enjoyed my moments with Gabby but other then that I was forced into uncomfortable situations. I hung out with Dylan for a while but at least 3 or 4 times that he day needed to leave to go get his bike or leave to go get something at Ben's house and again attempted to get me to go places or hang out with people that made me feel really uncomfortable. Basically I just feel really awful because it was what he wanted to do and I didn't want to do. I suppose I never really told him why I didn't want to go to Ben's actually I didn't even tell him myself I didn't want to go I basically just handed the phone to Jordan and he sorted it all out.

Jordan was my lifesaver, I also really enjoyed the time I spent with just him.

After being at the skatepark and putting my feet in the river and running around with Hanny, we went to the mall to meet up with Nick and Hermy. We got some dinner and some 40's and Pistol invited herself to sit at Hanny and my table even though we don't particularly like her and I'm quite sure she feels the same way about us. We went to Chipotle for Hermy to get some vegan food, and then walked to the Climax.

Nikki and Kevin picked up Pistol and the drove to the Climax, We all decided to drink and of course Nikki invited everyone to sit in her car except for Hannah and I of course which we completely expected. But being the good friends they are Nick and Hermy, brought some 40's and we all went in an Alley and sat down. I drank about half of a 40 and was completely trashed. I ended up passing out on Dylan, being supported by Nick, Crying, almost peeing my pants, and yelling to Zach "let me have your babies." All in one night. It was the most fun I have had in a long long time.

Saturday sucked so bad its not even worth talking about.

Mother's Day was awful to.

Yesterday I got some job applications and Hannah and I played Disney trivia laughing so hard we almost peed our pants.

I held up a card with a picture of the cat from Alice in Wonderland. In perfect color Hannah looked at in and I asked a question.

"What are the colors of this character?"

"Pink and....Magenta."

"YOU GOT THE COLORS WRONG! ITS PINK AND PURPLE."

Kent Powers signing out.

This weekend really none of my plans worked out, extremely dissapointing me but I ended up like usual having an amazing time shopping with hannah. I got her into shoes haha. Hannah's mom bought me a bumper sticker that says "Sorry I missed church I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." It was really nice of her, I really like Hannah's mom and I like talking to her.

That night we went back to my house. We hung out for a while and I talked to Nick and Dylan and Chris on the phone. It was really funny to me and I really enjoy talking to chris and Dylan and probably Nick even though I didn't talk to him very much.

Sunday sucked.

P.S. I have a secret.

This evening I started to get anxious and upset. To make myself feel better, I went down into my basement and started going through these boxes of old stuff. I found several boxex with old film that had never been used, things like 35mm film from 1968. I found super 8 film and I found a film projector, also blank slides and a slide projector.

One of the things I found was this old Hiatchi cassette player, and a bunch of old Glen Miller tapes. It also has blank cassettes and a microphone. There's a built in speaker and I'm pretty much amazed with my findings.

I want to go somewhere and just play it as loud as it will go and put up a sign or something and just dance there with some friends, see if other people join in.

I am really devoted to recording my summer and experiences and everything going on around me on film this summer. I'm going to go buy a film camera, I already have quite a bit of blank film.

I'm extremely motivated right now.

It's a good feeling.

There's a couple people around me lately that are getting on my nerves big time.

There's also some people who I want to be around more who are absolutely amazing to me right now. Some of these people are as follows; 'Stina, Carter, Tay, Erin, Gabby, and probably a couple of people I forgot to name. I had to attend a spegetti dinner at DSA last night, when I showed of Gabby was still editing frames on her project. She had been at it for a good 8 hours straight, just that day. I went into the dinner, got this plate piled high with spegetti, and took it back to the cinema room with Gabby. The look on her face that I would do that was completely priceless. So we sat and talked and laughed and ate our plate of spegetti together.

Yesterday in geography I got up to turn something in and Mr. Hughes all of a sudden looked really serious and somewhat somber. He told me that I was one of the best students he had ever had and that he was really dissapointed that I was leaving DSA next year. At that moment I actually realized that I am only going to DSA for 2 more weeks, I might as well enjoy it considering I will never be a student at the school again. Visiting's just not the same. I know that I'm glad to be leaving and that it's a good thing, but leaving after going there almost everyday for 4 years is going to be difficult to adjust to knowing my personality.

I'm bored with everything. I need some new things to do.

Saturday, Hannah and I are having some friends over to her house for a "Punk Rock Pool Party" (Of course the name is a joke.) There's actually no pool either just a bunch of smelly kids, a trampoline, and spray paint. I think that Zach, Hermy, Nick, John, Corey, Dylan, Chris, and I suppose possibly Ben will be attending. Wow, Hanny and I will be truly outnumbered. I'm hoping it will be really fun.

I might hang out with Dylan this weekend, I don't see him to often anymore but I love being around that kid when I have the chance, hopefully we will find some time.

Friday: Madre took me to the mall to get some clothes. I got a couple of nice things. After I went to pick up Hanny at Benjamin's house. I saw Zach and Benjamin. Nice? Hanny and I went back to my house and left right after we got there to go get ice cream at Coldstone. We got our ice cream and then contemplated peeing in the stapleton town center fountain but decided that there were to many people around.

Saturday: Hanny and I woke up early because of History Day, we watched music videos and waited for Jazmin, Jazmin never came, so we left for Boulder. Basically History Day ate the hairy bird. I didn't place after runoffs. Top 6= no good. But this year I don't care, I wasn't planning on going to nationals if I had made it. We left Boulder and came back to Denver and went and hung out with John, Cory, and Hermy. It was very nice. A random man put a Playboy on our table, walked back 5 minutes later when I was reading it, and said "Sweet, the chick is reading to porn." Hanny and I had our giggles, went to bed. At 1:00 A.M. I got a phone call from the fabulous Tyler. It was nice to speak to him.

Sunday: Hanny and I woke up and went to Ihop. Drank coffee, ate food, watched a man make balloons animals. Went back to my house and then to church. "Dear Jesus, thank you for my mommy, my daddy, and my guinea pig." We went back to my dad for a couple of minutes, then to Ross and then back to Hanny's house. Hanny's mom took us to the skatepark. We hung out with Cooner, Dylan, and John. I enjoyed myself.

I am applying to an other place tomorrow, I have a pretty good chance of getting a job there. Once I get a job my dad will let me do more. I suppose he sees it as a sign of maturity and responsibility. NO complaints here.

Over and out.